Stagnant

I abhor the aforementioned word. Sadly, I've allowed myself to stagnate professionally, when it comes to acting, in the last year. I was taking the necessary steps earlier, and I did make some errors, but I just lost momentum and started fearing. Fearing rejection- rejection by everyone. It's happened before. Check. But rejection of self, by self? No- I am better than my circumstances.

It's my own fault for treating my art this way and I do feel terribly guilty for letting precious time slip by me. Yes, I am able to earn my living, but I am not getting anywhere if I treat life's small turns as roadblocks. No excuses- there should be no reason to grow depressed and stop progressing in life. I take all responsibility for not working hard enough. I planned my agenda for the next few months- it's better to do it in steps. Step one- a refresher course (4 months long) in stage acting which starts next month. Ballet morning classes twice a week to correct my posture. A camera acting workshop which begins in April that lasts for three months (which I would have started in January had I not been sick). I know my talent and weaknesses, but that is not the solution. I cannot look myself in the mirror if I continue this way. I was taking a leisurely walk when I imagined my future. I've always wanted to design but never had the opportunity to attend design school. When I have paid projects, if the pay is any good, I'd like to attend design school during the time when I am not acting. Eventually, I'd do it as a part time career when I have time off from gigs/ projects. I always want to do better and learn new things.

Also, I have always wanted to spend some time doing things for the community- I want to serve the homeless once a week in downtown. I can start this week- I have the time and the ability to.