Analogy

If I were in a boat, and suddenly my boat was struck by a large rock and water starting filling it up, what would I do? Would I do everything possible to ask for help and save my boat, or even float on anything to swim across to the shore, or would I just give up hope and let my boat sink, not resisting at all?

Sometimes, life feels like the above mentioned scenario. I feel like I have failed so many times at so many things that failure is the only thing that I will see wherever I turn to; my efforts would always be met with rejection; people would only misunderstand me or my feelings. So then, why not just go off to a monastery or a secluded place and live by myself, isolating the rest of the world? Or why not just end it all, and start with another lifetime, afresh? But then, what is the guarantee that I am done with my suffering if I end it all here? Maybe this is my Karma- life lessons that I need to learn here on earth. I choose to salvage whatever I have- a healthy body, a relatively attractive face, a loving heart, a compassionate mind, an intelligent brain. Perhaps they will take me where I want to go in my life.

My life has always been so disjointed that the disconnect between it all consumes me sometimes. I am nonjudgmental and independent- but is that always such a gift to not have a herd to belong to (other than my family)? Being surrounded by so many and yet be so lonely? I am so comfortable with myself that I can spend days without much social interaction; even when I do talk to people, I know that I only warm up and come close to a select few. But, this is the world I have to live in- people I have to live with. We ultimately only have ourselves to measure up to. We can choose to do our best and carry on with that belief in ourselves. Whatever floats our boats.