Wednesday, September 14, 2011

When?

When did I become this way?

"Dude, Jhalu, figure it out!" My buddy Minoti yells at me, telling me that I'm wasting away my golden years and my potential. She is convinced that I am on some drug. I'm not, really- I avoid drinking, I avoid smoking, I do not touch hard drugs- a few experiences were enough to keep me off those. An addictive personality plus hard drugs can only result in total disaster.

I sleep a lot for the past few months- I eat little, sleep a lot, and when I wake up, I regret that I wasted time. The cycle repeats itself the next day. I used to be so good at motivating myself- I finished college in less than 3 years. I packed up my bags in a bad economy and moved to this city.

I sleep because sometimes life seems like a nightmare, and when I sleep, I am amidst my dreams, which shift me to an alternate reality. In a parallel universe, I wouldn't feel so suffocated. I wouldn't feel trapped. I dream of diving head on into the ocean- into water so deep, clear, and still that it would soothe me and I would never have to pick up another cigarette to calm my nerves. I believe that everything will work out- but for the time being, my mind longs for some clarity- a touch from Krishna would help maybe?

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