Those words rang in my head as he said to me, nervously, "Please, can you drop me off near my home, I don't want there to be any problems."
Those words stung my ears and it felt as if I had been slapped hard across my face. Tears stung my eyes but I hid them behind a mask of anger. I felt humiliated, hurt, trashed- all those things- on the night of my birthday. It took all of my resolve to not break down on that downtown street that fateful night. I wanted to drop my beloved home so that he would not have to take the bus home at 1:00 am. I swear on my goodness, that was my only motivation.
I always want good things for this person- in terms of his career, his life, his family, his feelings, everything. Even when he pushed me out of his life mercilessly, I wished him well. I wished him well when he lied to me. I wished him well when he broke countless promises that he made to me. I wished him well as I came to a painful realization that he treated random women he met on his nightly adventures better than he ever treated someone who truly cares for him. I place last on his priority list, yet, I don't complain much because I understand that love is not always in a balance from both sides.
As I wait for him to resolve his financial situation, I try not to get upset. I felt like a whore on the night of my birthday. Maybe I am a whore- but I have a good, honest heart and nothing can change that- not even being a whore.
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