Je suis un homme.

I won't lie, sometimes it feels like all the world's injustices and odds are lined up against one person- and his name happens to be Shreya.

It's alright- I can take much more than others. Or maybe I just say that to justify my circumstances. Either way, it's a thought that makes me feel better. When I was born, my grandmother was hoping (like almost everyone else from my culture hopes) that it was a boy. Well, I am a man. I am a man, all right. I take more than a man could ever take. I am more like my father than my mother- even he begrudgingly accepts that fact. Most of the time, I speak softly, smile a lovely smile, but when provoked, I will fight back. Make no mistake- I am stubborn, I want what I want, and I will get it. I do not really need anyone to take care of me- I've demonstrated that much to myself.

Throughout my life, I've seen my father battle circumstances, countless injuries (important men in my life always get into a lot of accidents), and just plain bad luck. I grew up the day my father said to me, "Always be good to your mother and brother if I go", the day after the doctors fucked up his knee operation and cut the wrong artery. I was 10.

I hope that when I have a baby, the father always remains with us. As much of a man as I may be, I would want my child to have a father who is there, who is a part of his life, who takes him out to camping trips, football games, the beach. If it's a girl, the relationship would probably be even more special. I hope that the father holds her and means it when he says, "I'll always be there for you, sweetie."