I am sorry

I'm so sorry for everything. When I look back at all the times that I've hurt the people who love me, I want to just cry and apologize to them. I cannot see some of them anymore to apologize to them in person- but I still try to make an effort. Of course, many do not believe me. I do not blame them. I cannot believe I hurt Jimmy like that- I should have had the decency to break up gracefully, and not make it a mess like I did. I admit it, it is totally my fault at how badly the break up went.

I should have never lied to my parents when I was younger- I was living a double life, and it sure as hell caught up to me. Now that I always tell the truth to my mother, everything feels so much lighter. I should have never taken her for granted. I should have never been unfaithful to my love as I was in the beginning of our dating relationship. That definitely still bothers me, to this day. I have many, many, many faults. I promise to always be faithful in every relationship that I have now.

I see why I am suffering today- it's because of my past deeds. Every one of them is catching up to me. However, I am glad, in a way, that I learn my lessons now. I am so much mindful today than I ever was before.

Whenever anyone blames me for something now, instead of trying to counter it, I sit back and take the blame. I feel a lot better doing that, than trying to argue against it, even if it is not all my fault. I forgive the person for not looking outside their judgment of me to see the whole situation. I take all criticism in a positive vein and promise myself to do better next time.

I understand why I am delayed in achieving my wishes and goals- so that I can learn my lessons before I get them. And I sure am learning.