Today

Today, I feel drained. I feel upset, I feel let down, I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well and I cannot find my way up. I feel that my life has no purpose- I could not accomplish one thing right- the biggest thing that matters to me in my life. If I can't even do that, maybe I should just leave, I said to myself. And just that moment, I saw the writing on the stone bench next to me- it said,"die". That's a clear sign, I thought to myself.

I felt light at the thought of death, like always. Just take off, leaving behind my legacy. He doesn't even seem to want to talk to me anymore. Am I that repulsive, that unpleasant, that depressing, that bad for people I love? Is it too much to ask for a conversation? For honesty? For trust? Please do not go around treating me with kid gloves. I'm grown up now, I'd rather hear the truth than believe in a facade.

I see it clearly now. My time has come- once the Florida trip is over, I'll have to take steps to carry it out. I really do not want to waste my life- I'm considering becoming a nun. Serve the higher being, because god is the only one who can offer me the love that I go around offering others in my life.