I went to a Yoga/ Art of Living Center today- it is located close to USC. They had a spiritual chanting ceremony for Shiva's special day, Shivratri. They chanted several mantras and the room was in a trance. I closed my eyes and let go of all my worries as I sat there for close to two hours. It felt amazing to me- the sensation of Euphoria. I felt like I was high on drugs, without actually doing them. This meditation thing is good for me- I don't even smoke anymore- haven't done that for weeks. I have given up drinking alcohol for some time as well. People may call me uptight, but I realize that it does me more harm than good to drink. It numbs me temporarily, but ultimately, I have to deal with my issues.
They say that Shiva is the kindest of all Vedic gods- he does not hesitate to grant his followers their wishes- whether they are good or bad people. He is called Shiva the "innocent"- guileless, ascetic, Shankar. There's another side to him- Rudra- the destroyer, the wild, fierce one. He's sometimes described as half-masculine, half- feminine- he is one with his consort, goddess Shakti. I am like him by nature- a wanderer, a renunciant, naive, unkempt, androgynous. I do not feel fearful at all of his "angry" side. I feel connected with him- I do not even need to vocalize my wishes when pray to him- he knows them as he watches tears stream down my face- I feel his hand caress my hair. "I love you, Shiva. Please protect me", I plead to him. I am sure that he hears me.
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