I have an understanding and I know that people face hardships and struggles and sometimes want to be left alone. I wish he would tell me what he wanted. It becomes so difficult for me to guess sometimes- he says he always loves me. People who love you at least communicate with you their feelings, don't they? Then why this guessing game?
I look for his eyes in others. I am familiar with his scent- the memories make my eyes well with sadness. I accept him just the way he is- his words, his way of saying those words, his tendency to not hold to commitments, his animated movements, the way he nuzzles his head between my chest, chirping "Shreya" like an excited child, the way he holds me tight when he wants to be comforted, his motorcycles, his hobbies, his writing. Whatever makes him happier- his higher good is very important to me. I never try to customize the man. If he is truly happier in someone else's arms or without me, I would be happy for him and smile with tears in my eyes. It is challenging, but I've done it before for him. I've left him whenever he asked me to go away. But I know that him and I belong together. Don't ask me how- it's the same way I knew that my uncle was not going to survive his treatment; the same way that I predicted our move to the United States; the same way that I predicted so many other thing that came to pass. I want to us both to be successful and fulfilled career wise and be in a more positive place in our lives. How many times do I have to walk through fire till I finally reach the shores?
No comments:
Post a Comment