Test of my faith

This is a test of my faith- how far do I believe that Krishna will go for me to save me?

My uncle's cancer has relapsed- this leaves me in tears. I'm at a loss for thoughts at this point. Last year, I fasted for two weeks to pray to god. Now, I don't know how many more weeks I should fast for.

I was sitting on Venice Beach next to the waves as I received this news. It's almost as if god had timed it that way. I became numb as I heard it from my dad- my uncle is 50- hardly an age to lose one's life. I begged god to take away my life and grant my uncle his. He has so much to live for- a beautiful wife, my two cousins, my father, my grandparents.

I have nothing to live for- a broken dream of a career, a broken heart from lack of love- I'm just hanging by the thread. If you want, cut my thread. I promise, I won't even mind or say anything- I'll go peacefully. I'm at peace today with all of my brokenness.

I fell down later and hurt myself as I probably lost all sense of where I was walking, plus, the lights today were down in Venice Beach.

A life for a life, Krishna- take mine in exchange for his.