It rains when angels cry

I went to Venice Beach. Driving through Abbot Kinney was wonderful, as usual, except that this time, there were no lights. The power was out. I was supposed to meet someone at The Otheroom. The bar closed due to no electricity. No other bar was open in the area either.

I went to Townhouse Cocktails, but for some reason, the idea of sitting in a bar did not appeal to me. I went to sit on the sand in Venice Beach. It had stopped raining for some time. I meditated on the beach. I conjured all of my energy towards positive thoughts, but my heartbeat does not heed to command anymore. Nothing seems to help my anxiety. I go to sleep every night, hoping that this is my final night of suffering. I feel every sensation of pain so acutely that it makes me sick. I lost 6 pounds in the last four days. My cheeks have lost all color. My eyes look dead. They say that Jesus went through three hours of suffering on the cross. I think that some of us suffer much more than that in our lifetimes. Will our souls reach heaven?

I reach out to the sky and ask for death- "Death, please embrace me. The time has come." My request is not granted. The waves hit the shore. I try to focus on that noise instead. I remember the first time my beautiful stranger took me to the beach. His lips touched mine, and I froze for a moment. I had never tasted anything so sweet in my life- his taste is nectar to my lips. He holds me and plays with the soft, feminine areas of my body. I enjoy every touch- I long for him. I long to see his smile. I asked him to smile the last time I was with him- and he did. Memories well up tears in my eyes. The salty water from my eyes drips down and  touches the shore. Sobs wreck my body as I sit on the shore, hoping for relief. I believe that when angels cry, it rains.

If only my heart was so big that I would be able to sustain the pain and be happy if he went back to the other woman- but that is not the case. Alas, I am only human. I wish her the best- I truly do. I feel for her as a woman. I hope she finds someone who is able to fulfill her every need and marry her and have babies with her- soon, because I have this feeling that she is a bit older and she needs to settle down soon.

I wish that my beautiful Gemini would come to me one day and then just remain with me. I always leave the door open, for everyone, to come and go as they please in my life. Most people choose to stay. I hope he's one of them.