Today marks the year and a half anniversary of when we met. This generally would be an unimportant date but we’ve been spent every important day away from each other (apart from birthdays). In fact, on our year anniversary, he got frustrated with the double life he was leading and attempted to end our relationship. He took her out on Valentine’s while I stayed home and prayed that he wouldn't do something special with her.
I’ve given up believing that life is ever fair- it never was to me. But I’ll take whatever I can out of it. I just wanted to do something tonight- whether it’s meeting for drinks or dinner or walk or whatever. But I can’t ask him because he confessed the other day that he was more comfortable with the person in the previous relationship that with me. Proximity increases comfort, he says. But you have to comfortable to be close. It’s a catch-22. He still helps her, fresh after their break up, so I guess he is more comfortable with her. I wonder if he’ll ever be comfortable in his relationship with me. He never once wrote about me, he never photographed me. None. Am I always going to be a "compartmentalized" part of his life? I always wonder. I wander and wonder.
I always seek love but pain finds me instead.
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