Biking

I haven't biked in some time now- I learned how to ride a bike when I was 13 because my dad was so protective of me that he would not let me learn it until I actually needed it. Yes, I did need it for going to high school- since he did not want to wake up at seven am to drop me, he taught me how to ride it a week before freshman year began. I caught on pretty fast, and although it led to me falling down and fracturing my right wrist eventually, I have fond memories of riding a bicycle. I want to ride Arroyo Seco in Highland Park/ Pasadena area sometime- the area is so beautiful and so unlike the westside.

Perhaps someday, I'll ride this lovely trail.

Why I don't like threesomes

I'm a pretty open-minded person, as far as trying out different things is concerned, but I know that I have no liking towards certain things. A Menage a trois is one of them.

Now,to be clear, I love without any preference towards gender, and I've loved women before. I fall in love with the person, not their gender. Of course, I've loved more men in my life than women.

Threesomes would be difficult for me because my attention is 100% on the person in front of me at any given time- that's just how I am! That applies in bed as well- be it a man or a woman, I am focused on my lover. I relish the experience, the concentration. I want to give my 100% in that moment to him or her- I want to delve myself completely in the act. I do not care to have a third person involved. Some people know that threesomes are not for them- I'm one of them.

I don't really mind as much if a third person is watching...but we'll save that for another blog entry.

If you love

two people at the same time choose the second one because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second.
-Johnny Depp

365 days of celibacy

Today marks 365 days of celibacy for me. It's been a full year since anyone made love to me. He left a part of himself in me that night for the first time- how ironic. Life is such a practical joke sometime, and even though the whole cycle makes a lot of sense now, it was a painful to think then that after we engaged in such an intimate act, he felt the need to push me away. To think that he is the first and only man who I shared this experience with. To realize, after attempting to date other men after this, that I would not be able to love them the way they deserve to be loved. To run away from the bed of another man whom I attempted to date last summer, apologizing that I could not be intimate with him- or with anyone else.

Life is so funny sometimes. I had an amazing connection with my ex of five years- the physical chemistry between us was great too- good sex lasted for three years in that relationship.  However, our deteriorating relationship and disagreements had a negative effect on everything. Sex sucked from age 20 onwards- when most young girls enjoyed sex, I dreaded it. It felt like a chore- I no longer felt anything. I stopped being intimate with him at 21- he moved to a different state right before my 22nd birthday and that further blocked any physical connection. The break up (at 22) was a relief. I dated others, but nothing much came of it- I was not looking for a relationship at all. I wasn't even actively looking for a relationship with this person I love now. But things felt right. Pieces fit together because we are similar in several ways and I love the differences. I do not think that we will ever tire of each other- what else can I ask for? I jones sometimes for his voice, to inhale his scent. We shared amazing moments in the four months that we spent together, and I realize that in the last four years, I've had 4 months of amazing sex. As sad as that sounds, I feel like I've conquered my lust instead of letting it conquer me. Ash Wednesday is today- Lent's coming up- here's to 30 days of no alcohol!

Belle

Once upon a time, when I was still beautiful and not pockmarked, a musician I was dating then played me songs on his guitar. I loved it and he got to bed me for being so romantic. I came across this song today. It's played on a guitar and it's such a lovely song that it puts a smile on my face. 

Oi Lienda. Bella che fa? Bonita, Bonita que tal? But belle, je ne comprends pas francais. So you'll have to speak to me some other way.

Find your objective

Then follow it till the end. Identify conflicts- they make your monologue beautiful. There has to be enough drama for the audience to feel that they paid their money's worth. Create characters- remain in character, but don't play a quality.

Does your monologue have a beginning, a middle, and an end? You are talking to someone- imagine them reacting. React to them. Acting is reacting.

I want to play interesting, diverse characters. A drug addicted ingenue. A strong, silent-type. An unabashedly evil vamp. An elegant, refined gamine. A bohemian flower child. A girl uncomfortable with her own sexuality and beauty. A filthy prostitute.

I'm so hungry, so so hungry for learning.

Live here, die here

Where else can one go?

Call out to me whenever you heart desires,

I'll be there where I always was

These songs of mine, the music of my life, 

will be sung by someone else tomorrow

The world will laugh as the clown

returns with a different face
Heaven is here, and so is Hell
Where else can I go?

In tomorrow's game, whether I remain or not,
The stars will forever be in the sky
You may forget, and so will they
But I will forever be yours
My memories will remain here
Where else can they go?