oh yeah...I'm a twiHard!

"No measure of time would be enough with you, but we'll start with forever."

Caught with my hand in the cookie jar

This is a funny photo...I cracked up when i saw it!

 

It looks like I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

no good deed ever goes unpunished

why? why is this always the case for some of us? Why can't we just figure it out and learn to be mean, like others? Like billions of others? Do some of us just not have it in us to hurt others? Why does it always have to be this way, that when we do something good for someone else; instead of returning the favor, or even just not returning anything to us, they come back to stab us?

Why did god send me here with a heart made of glass, and then proceeded to surround me with people who throw stones at it? These are questions that will haunt me to eternity. Even when I die, my soul will seek answers.

Or maybe, my inherent goodness will overpower any trace of negativity or bad feelings of those around me. Then, my soul will rest in peace.

and another one...

 How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-Elizabeth Browning

I love Krishna....he deserves the purest form of love. I strive to love better everyday, and to love even better when I pass away.

lovely sonnet

I fell in love with this sonnet when I read it. It makes so much sense. Love for the sake of loving, and nothing else!


If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say
“I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day”—
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou may’st love on, through love’s eternity.

-Elizabeth Browning

void

What I am experiencing right now is a rather scary feeling. I cannot focus on anything good or joyful- not even love, not even supreme love (Krishna), not my parents, not any life goals, nothing at all. I am just sitting there; hoping for the next moment to be better than the previous one. I woke up 4 times during the night. I could not fall back asleep, as much as I tried. I felt so anxious in the pit of my stomach. I feel just terrible. How can life be so fickle and so full of nothing?

Is it all an illusion? What does it even mean? The most frustrating part about this whole ordeal is that I cannot point my finger to what exactly is wrong...I don't know myself- If you don't know what is wrong with yourself, how do you fix it?

It feels like my soul was sucked out of me, and I am here just with my body, and nothing else.

upset

upset. that's what I feel. i feel a bit let down sometimes, and it's not other people's fault at all. it's my high expectations from them that causes this sorrow when they are not met. The highest expectation of all is from Krishna- when it feels like he has turned his face away from me, that's when I can't take it anymore and I burst into tears. If he can't even help me, then I truly have no hope.

But then again, at the end of the day, I know that no doubt, while I've failed Krishna many times, he has never, and will never, fail me.

Radhe Radhe.