A memorable dinner

I had an interesting experience today. I went out to dinner at a restaurant, alone. My friends usually go with me to this one, so the hostess/ waiters know me by now. As I entered the restaurant, the lady asked me if I was alone. I nodded, yes. She seated me to a table in the corner and saved the booth for people in larger groups or couples. Fair enough, I say to myself. There were a lot of people, and they had just started this buffet special in the evenings, so they were extremely busy. They ask me if I want the buffet. I say no, I know what I want, and I decide to order a la carte, without even looking at the menu. After what seems like forever, my food arrives, but they take it to the wrong table. Strike one. I also did not have the drink that I had ordered, so I gently remind them to please bring me my coke. After realizing her mistake, the waitress returns to me, serves me the food, and exclaims, "Oh, I did not realize that you were actually going to sit here alone and eat! I thought you would order to-go" Whatever, I begin eating, and they never bring me my coke. Strike two. Then, two couples walk into the crowded restaurant. The waitress, without bothering to ask me, seats them at my table- because I'm a single lady out to dinner by myself, and I have not right to a table . This makes me not want to eat anymore at this table. This is the third strike, and the food doesn't taste as good tonight, I think to myself. I need to see a play that my friends are a part of tonight in Hollywood, and I need to be there in an hour. I had better leave now. I ask for the to-go boxes and the check. After waiting a good 10 minutes for the check, it arrives. I decide to tip fairly. I was only mildly annoyed and highly amused by their behavior today. I understand that if I go out to do things alone, I should expect this sort of thing to happen, but I do this all the time. I go to bars alone to relax and have a beer, I go walk on the beach alone at night, I go out to eat alone- because a lot of times, that is just what I need. I wonder what her motivation was to give me such cold treatment, I smile and think to myself. Has this occurred to me a few months ago, I would have probably made a sarcastic remark or two (I usually try to keep my sharp sarcasm under wraps, lest I offend someone). However, today, I just sat their patiently, and tried to learn a thing or two by observing them.

I won't be going back there anytime soon, but all said and done, it was a memorable dinner.

I love you

I love you a lot. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are. I miss you and can't wait to see you again.

Tes yeux

your eyes touch me
my heart loses control
love makes life eternal
when your eyes touched me, I found light 
when your soul touched me, I found life

love is the essence of living
what would life be without love

why does a candle have the desire to melt
why does a moth have the desire to burn
life is the test of these desires

life pardons those who love
the story of their love does not end with their death     

there is no heart devoid of love 
every soul is thirsty for it, every heart goes mad for it

life pardons those who love
the story of their love does not end with their death   

oh yeah...I'm a twiHard!

"No measure of time would be enough with you, but we'll start with forever."

Caught with my hand in the cookie jar

This is a funny photo...I cracked up when i saw it!

 

It looks like I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

no good deed ever goes unpunished

why? why is this always the case for some of us? Why can't we just figure it out and learn to be mean, like others? Like billions of others? Do some of us just not have it in us to hurt others? Why does it always have to be this way, that when we do something good for someone else; instead of returning the favor, or even just not returning anything to us, they come back to stab us?

Why did god send me here with a heart made of glass, and then proceeded to surround me with people who throw stones at it? These are questions that will haunt me to eternity. Even when I die, my soul will seek answers.

Or maybe, my inherent goodness will overpower any trace of negativity or bad feelings of those around me. Then, my soul will rest in peace.

and another one...

 How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-Elizabeth Browning

I love Krishna....he deserves the purest form of love. I strive to love better everyday, and to love even better when I pass away.

lovely sonnet

I fell in love with this sonnet when I read it. It makes so much sense. Love for the sake of loving, and nothing else!


If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say
“I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day”—
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou may’st love on, through love’s eternity.

-Elizabeth Browning

void

What I am experiencing right now is a rather scary feeling. I cannot focus on anything good or joyful- not even love, not even supreme love (Krishna), not my parents, not any life goals, nothing at all. I am just sitting there; hoping for the next moment to be better than the previous one. I woke up 4 times during the night. I could not fall back asleep, as much as I tried. I felt so anxious in the pit of my stomach. I feel just terrible. How can life be so fickle and so full of nothing?

Is it all an illusion? What does it even mean? The most frustrating part about this whole ordeal is that I cannot point my finger to what exactly is wrong...I don't know myself- If you don't know what is wrong with yourself, how do you fix it?

It feels like my soul was sucked out of me, and I am here just with my body, and nothing else.

upset

upset. that's what I feel. i feel a bit let down sometimes, and it's not other people's fault at all. it's my high expectations from them that causes this sorrow when they are not met. The highest expectation of all is from Krishna- when it feels like he has turned his face away from me, that's when I can't take it anymore and I burst into tears. If he can't even help me, then I truly have no hope.

But then again, at the end of the day, I know that no doubt, while I've failed Krishna many times, he has never, and will never, fail me.

Radhe Radhe.