Blue skies

Blue skies smiling on me
Nothing but blue skies do I see
Blue birds singing a song
Nothing but blue skies from now on

I never saw the sun shining so bright
When you're in love, every thing's right
Watching all the days hurrying by
When you're in love, my how they fly

Those blue days, all of them gone
Nothing but blue skies from now on

I love this song so much :) It makes me so happy- I fall in love with love. I have decided- I'm going to sing this one for my singing workshop. 

a day in pictures

Went to Lake Shrine today in Pacific Palisades. It was a beautiful drive. Drove to the Will Rogers State Beach- today was the wrong day to go- my ears hurt due to the pressure in the air. Took some beautiful photographs, nonetheless.

It rains when angels cry

I went to Venice Beach. Driving through Abbot Kinney was wonderful, as usual, except that this time, there were no lights. The power was out. I was supposed to meet someone at The Otheroom. The bar closed due to no electricity. No other bar was open in the area either.

I went to Townhouse Cocktails, but for some reason, the idea of sitting in a bar did not appeal to me. I went to sit on the sand in Venice Beach. It had stopped raining for some time. I meditated on the beach. I conjured all of my energy towards positive thoughts, but my heartbeat does not heed to command anymore. Nothing seems to help my anxiety. I go to sleep every night, hoping that this is my final night of suffering. I feel every sensation of pain so acutely that it makes me sick. I lost 6 pounds in the last four days. My cheeks have lost all color. My eyes look dead. They say that Jesus went through three hours of suffering on the cross. I think that some of us suffer much more than that in our lifetimes. Will our souls reach heaven?

I reach out to the sky and ask for death- "Death, please embrace me. The time has come." My request is not granted. The waves hit the shore. I try to focus on that noise instead. I remember the first time my beautiful stranger took me to the beach. His lips touched mine, and I froze for a moment. I had never tasted anything so sweet in my life- his taste is nectar to my lips. He holds me and plays with the soft, feminine areas of my body. I enjoy every touch- I long for him. I long to see his smile. I asked him to smile the last time I was with him- and he did. Memories well up tears in my eyes. The salty water from my eyes drips down and  touches the shore. Sobs wreck my body as I sit on the shore, hoping for relief. I believe that when angels cry, it rains.

If only my heart was so big that I would be able to sustain the pain and be happy if he went back to the other woman- but that is not the case. Alas, I am only human. I wish her the best- I truly do. I feel for her as a woman. I hope she finds someone who is able to fulfill her every need and marry her and have babies with her- soon, because I have this feeling that she is a bit older and she needs to settle down soon.

I wish that my beautiful Gemini would come to me one day and then just remain with me. I always leave the door open, for everyone, to come and go as they please in my life. Most people choose to stay. I hope he's one of them.

I feel light

I feel light today. I no longer feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. The load was taken off my chest yesterday.

The hardest thing about knowing the end to a puzzle is that you have this constant urge to fit the pieces together to get to that final point. Sometimes, you just have to let go and let universe do it for you. I know what the future holds. I know it with so much confidence that it's laughable that I even have a doubt. I used to not believe in a higher being, but ever since I turned to Krishna, even the impossible seems possible.

I don't believe in mind control, although I know that I am capable of it. I would not use my manifesting powers in that way- it just doesn't result in a good end for anyone. I do believe in prayer. I do believe in praying for someone's love, especially if they are in accordance with your wishes- if they are open to the idea of loving you. The struggle of this journey is what makes it worth it- I just pray to god that I am able to stay strong through it all. When the right time comes, it will happen.

Hanuman Chalisa

I need your help, Hanuman. Please bless me with your grace. Please relieve everyone who is close to me from suffering. Some of them do not believe in prayer. I pray for them. Please help them.

I have faith in your power. My fast for you and Shiva starts today and ends on Monday. 

durgama käja jagata ke jete |
sugama anugraha tumhare tete ||

By your grace even the most difficult of tasks become easy to accomplish.

Whatever difficulties or obstacles you encounter in life, are overcome by the grace of Sri
Hanuman. There are three kinds of people in this world.
1. Those who do not start any new project for fear of obstacles. They keep on imagining
all kinds of problems and obstacles, hence they never get started.
2. Those who start a lot of projects, but the moment they encounter difficulty or
resistance, they at once quit and move to another project.
3. Those who, when they encounter more obstacles, gain more enthusiasm and courage.
Such people do not quit until their work is finished.

Sri Hanuman blesses the third type of people and makes their job easier. Even the most
difficult task becomes easy to accomplish.

saìkaöa teà hanumäna chuåävai |
mana krama bacana dhyäna jo lävai ||

Sri Hanuman helps those who worship Him with sincerity and faith (i.e. by thought,
action, speech and prayer) in overcoming difficulties.
If you worship Sri Hanuman in thought word and deed, he will release you from all
difficulties. Mana is mind; krama (karma) is deed and bacana (vacana) is words. So all
your thoughts, words and actions should be a worship of the Lord. Then no actions will
bind you, or cause any sorrow.

aura manoratha jo koé lävai |
soé amita jévana phala pävai ||

You bless everyone who seeks your grace and grant him in large measure all he wants
and also grant him the full fruit of life.
If you worship Sri Hanuman, all your jobs will be accomplished and you will never be
unsuccessful. What is the guarantee? Think of it. Sri Hanuman was able to accomplish all
the tasks assigned to him by the Lord Rama Himself. So, if he can carry out the Lord’s
tasks, why can’t he accomplish yours? And whatever you desire in life, Sri Hanuman will
grant you. He will do anything for you. However, you should see that your desires are
noble.

saìkaöa kaöai miöai saba pérä ||
jo sumirai hanumata balabérä ||

All miseries and torments vanish when one remembers the brave Hanuman.
Saint Tulsida says, you do not need to remember any other god. Just remember Sri
Hanuman, you will get all happiness from him. What does this means? One should have
full faith in whomever one worships, have single pointed devotion. If you choose to
worship Sri Hanuman with full faith, all your prayers will be answered.

torniquet

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide 

In my past life...

In my past life I was a mermaid who fell in love

with an ancient mariner.

I pulled him into the sea to be my husband.

...
I didn't know he couldn't breathe underwater.

Death is the perfect solution

Death, in this case, would solve everything. He will get to go back to the woman he loves. I will get to meet my best friend in heaven. I have so many questions that I need to ask him when I see him there. We'll be united, forever, for eternity.

My parents would be very upset. They will be devastated- they are the only reason that I still hang onto this thing called life. I have no other attachments. I have so much love to give, and the objects of my affection just don't seem to want it. The journey is torturous. Every breath feels heavy- I'm aware of every heartbeat. It hurts so much to be in this situation. Emotions of guilt, sadness, pain- they all cloud my heart right now. I want to hope for a better tomorrow- I really do. I want to hope that he will come to me with that smile on his face and tell me that he's happy being with me. That he would open up to me and stop being scared of being close to me. Have I ever hurt anyone intentionally in my life? Never would I dream to do such a thing. I only know how to offer, to give, to add to people's lives.

I see him with me. I look into the future and I see him being present in my life as a lover. My intuition has been spot on all of my life. Why so much pain then? Why is the path so difficult? Why does it feel like I'm walking on broken glass? I feel like the little mermaid, who exchanges her fins for legs- but she has to endure pain everytime she takes a step. She sings and dances for her prince. He mistakes a princess for the girl who rescued him at the temple, and he marries her instead. The little mermaid has the opportunity to return to the sea if she kills the prince. She instead chooses to kill herself and spare his life. Her death solves everything. The prince remains married to the princess; the little mermaid reaches heaven.

I pray for death sometimes. I don't belong to the earth. It's too cruel for my sensitive soul.

I pray for salvation.

Meenjatakas- People with a Pisces moon

I happen to be one. This report is spot on-


The twelfth of the signs, Meen ( Pisces ) rashi is the most intuitive of all in the Rashichakra. As it is also the final Sign in the Rashichakra, this Sign brings together many of the characteristics of the eleven Signs preceeding it. Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) are selfless, spiritual and focused on their inner journey, but at times, they also have difficulty distinguishing fact from fantasy - they tend to get caught up in their dreams and illusions of how things should be.

Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) are always torn between choices whether to seek the light or sink into the darkness. They are compassionate unless pushed to the wall, when they can be very caustic. However the sarcasm is not always direct and so generally it passes unnoticed. They are however happiest keeping these qualities under wraps.

Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) are liked for their kind and sympathetic nature, their charm and carefree approach. They find the going tough once they have to follow rules or to cope with discipline. When it really means business, the Meenjataka ( people born under pisces ) will flee and hide and the more weak-willed are likely to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape. Some pour out their emotions in creative arts, or in poetry or short verse, but seldom open up to those around them on a personal basis. Although brave and prefer a lot of independence, they are impractical and somewhat uneasy with the real world. They delve in spiritual matters and are fascinated by the occult. They are unselfish, empathic but can easily be confused and hardly get much done.

Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) will do well in performing arts, especially in theatre. In science, they tend to work in the fields of either physics or medicine and also do well in ocean-based occupations or working with animals. They normally have talents, which get them money and fame. Their obstinate independent streak rarely allows them to be dependent on others. They are ever ready to help the needy, without being much concerned for reciprocation. Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) hate to chase for the owed money as they expect that it will be returned voluntarily. They are often distracted when bored and need to be more focused and inspired to give their best.

Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) are spiritual, charitable, compassionate, empathetic and love to help others in the most imaginative of ways. They also tend to lapse into melancholy if not heard, or into a kind of pessimism that can lead to procrastination and lethargy.

Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) can be very romantic, dreaming up delicious treats for their lover in relationships. They are generally gentle and relaxed people and modest to the point of impracticality. In the game of love, Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) are caring and romantic and extremely creative. They crave for fairytale endings, being more in love with the idea of love than being in love itself. Though strongly attracted to good looks, their attention span waivers at unintelligent partners, or at times simply because they secure the object of their desire.

On the flip side, Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) can also be unnecessarily suspicious and jealous, and this might cause a lot of heartache. Although the unpredictable moods are the reason for some tension at times, the gentle, sensitive, and romantic nature establishes a loving relationship. Meenjatakas ( people born under pisces ) value fidelity in a marriage and will be kind and affectionate to the spouse and let the partner take on a dominant role in public, but at home, it's the Meenjataka ( people born under pisces ) who rules the roost.

For a single moment...

For a single moment....I want to feel like the universe isn't about to crush me and my heart isn't about to explode. I would kiss you and tell you I love you and ask you please not to go..
 
Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

"When love is not madness, it is not love."

-Pedro Calderon de la Barca
 
"Everything in the universe is within you.
Ask all from yourself."
-Rumi


"I am in Love with Love
and Love is in love with me.
My body is in Love with the soul
and the soul is in Love with my body.
I opened my arms to Love
...and Love embraced me like a lover."
-Rumi

All you need is

Love!

Love...love....love....love

"Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere"


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi
 
Failure is not defeat until you stop trying

इतनी शिद्दत से मैंने तुम्हें पाने की कोशिश की है
कि हर ज़र्रे ने मुझे तुमसे मिलाने की साजिश की है

Prayers do work, Miracles do happen
If you want something badly enough, the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed when you don't try

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill

The first step to better times is to imagine them

 

‎

"A dream of romance is what every human being lives for; an excess of reality is what is wrong with our current world. Reality kills. We can't live for reality (if we did, most of us could not bear to stay alive for very long) but for the dream of what we hope will happen: love from someone splendid, success, glory, honor, and applau...se. Romance is the dream of something better happening to us."



By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is
noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by
experience, which is the bitterest.





how can you have a beautiful ending without making beautiful mistakes?

Je ne regrette rien.


Before the beginning of great brilliance, there will be chaos.

‎"some wounds in life never heal, not even by time. They are only bound to become beauty scars"

You cannot avoid pain, but you can chose to overcome it

“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.”

I belong to the ocean...the sea is my home.


‎"It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's
pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart.



Fight for your dreams, and your dreams will fight for you

"If it's still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk"

Hari Bol

When love and spirit are brought together, their power can accomplish anything.
‎
"Don't allow your mind tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily"
‎

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. "
‎

"Fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself"




‎"And was it his destined part

Only one moment in his life

To be close to your heart?

or was he fated from the start,

...to live for just one fleeting instant,
within the purlieus of your heart"


True Love never fails, people fail to love truly
warriors fight until they die.
Growing up is hard!

I hate it when the clock strikes at 12, and Cinderella has to go home. Why does the magic have to wear off? Why can't that moment be everlasting?

Love never dies...it only changes forms.
Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...
You have to risk an accident in order to walk to the other side.
Drop the baggage, it feels so good!
Is it better to have loved and lost....or to not have loved at all?

‎"Dance, as though no one is watching, Love, as though you‘ve never been hurt before, Sing, as though no one can hear you, Work, as though you don‘t need the money, Live, as though heaven is on earth."

Where is this relationship going?

I wonder if this is true. If it is, that's pretty darn sad- this era is the worst ever for women, in certain ways.


http://billcammack.com/2009/07/20/where-is-this-relationship-going/

Risk...

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To
try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing."

Emotional retards

They had been working together as wedding planners for 3 years now. He was 24, she was 23. Business partners- her idea, his execution. Simple rule- feelings have no place in the world of business. One night, both drunk, they decide to sleep together. Since that morning, things change irreversibly. Awkwardness ensues- after all, she was the one who told him when they began their business together that love does not belong in the workplace. She starts to feel things for him- he doesn't want to let this affect their work, so he acts aloof. When she finally does bring it up, and pretends to be "cool" about the episode, he appears relieved. He refers to their rendezvous as a "blunder", a "distraction" of sorts.

It was then that it hit me- men can be so retarded emotionally! When i watched that film, I felt for the girl- someone recently said something similar to me. I know that it has nothing to do with me- but that doesn't stop me from feeling like my love is not welcome. I feel like a cheap whore, who is available to fuck whenever you want- just discard her whenever you feel like she's becoming too much of a distraction. I know that this is probably not true-I choose to give everyone benefit of the doubt- maybe men just need a tutorial in how to communicate their feelings. And I need a tutorial in how to not take things personally.

I'll take the leap.

I am fearful of fear itself.

Fear itself has prevented me, all my life, from moving forward, from achieving something. From writing- I was always afraid that my words would be ridiculed. Fear was first introduced to me by my father. I remember being afraid of speaking to him about any achievements when I was young- I did not want him to shoot me down with his negativity. I have to give him credit for being so concerned about the worst case scenarios and for wanting to protect me from adversity. However, how can I gain something in my life if I don't take a step ahead- I cannot stay at one spot to avoid risking hurt.

I have to take risks everyday- as an artist, as a human being, in relationships. I know I have my best friend on my side. I know he's there to catch me when I fall. So, I'll take that leap, thank you. No need to be afraid anymore.

Almost.....

Today's an almost day- I almost reached where i wanted to go, I almost purchased my bed, I almost got to the film that I wanted to catch, I almost got to the restaurant where I wanted to eat, I almost got to eat what I wanted to.

Almost- but not quite. None of these things ended up happening.

Tells me a lot about my tendency to miss things. Also, this is a sign from the universe- almost doesn't get you anywhere.

Push it, babe. Push it.

Stay the way you are

Stay the way you are

A bit of a pain, a bit of relief

Stay as you are

A soft, gentle breeze; a strong, gust of wind

Sometimes soft as silk, my love

Sometimes you're rough with me

Sometimes you fight with all your stubbornness

Sometimes, you're sweet as a beautiful sunflower

I would not want to change you,

Not even a bit

Unadorned, unaltered,

Neither more nor less

I like you the way you are,

Let me drench in the rain of your love- let me dissolve away

I love you for what you are,

Let me burn to ashes in the fire of your love.

If you torment me,

It's your love that soothes me as well.

Therefore, I even treasure the hurt that you inflict upon me.

Let me drown in the ocean of your love.

I love you the way you are.

Unadorned, unaltered,

Neither more nor less.